Two Decades Plus Some
In my return from a long break, I am here to dedicate a piece to turning 24.
Getting older is hard, I know that sounds incredibly dramatic coming from someone who is just 24, but as the years go by faster and I find a sense of individuality, growing up is a challenge. I have now spent a decade being existential with my life. I am not just 24, but I am everything that has happened to me for the last 24 years. I have to give myself credit for making it this far.
You don’t always have to like reality. As I grow up and reach the complexities of life and adulthood, I struggle with accepting that I cannot control everything at once and that reality comes in a multipart series. At first, I sat in silence, mulling over all of the uncertainties that consumed me. I was stuck in a moving vehicle of a 20-something with no direction while I watched an overwhelming scenery of reality and possibility flash by all four windows. I became consumed by the idea of finding the key, this perfect thing, decision, or person to let me out of that speeding car, overwhelmed by everything and not finding the ideal solution for all my discomfort.
Before you get stuck, let me say there is no perfect solution, and there is not one single thing, decision, or person that will make you feel whole or give you a sense of direction. There is no cure-all for the chaos of your 20s, but I can promise that while nothing is certain, the best you can do is trust your gut. Make the decision that feels right in the moment and do not waver in your thoughts because of the what-ifs. The entirety of life is discovering the what-ifs. Life is not made to be reflected on before it happens, lessons can not be learned until they are experienced, and what-ifs cannot become true until you’ve opened the door for those possibilities. While it feels like everyone is 5 steps ahead and flourishing through their 20s, I can promise that one step at a time will take you further than you think.
Being in your twenties can suck. That also sounds dramatic, but the reality of being in your twenties is the most dramatic expirence I have shared with my peers. Why does it feel like starting from scratch, and I have no ingredient list or assembly instructions? This seems like a universal phenomenon for many, perhaps not all, who find themselves in the middle of nowhere in their 20-something void. The void is like the identity struggle and cultivation that you go through in high school, but you’ve got no one to report to except yourself. Who do I want to be? What do I want to do for a living? How will I choose which values support and optimize my career and life? Maybe that one is a little existential, but after my research, I have concluded that being a girl at 20-something seems relatively existential.
While I just said being in your twenties sucks, and I do stand by that statement, it is also a perpetual timeline of adrenaline and growth that continuously reminds me how much I love being just a 20-something. I have found passion in new hobbies. I’ve learned that stop three of the bar crawl is when I should stop ordering drinks. I find purpose in the milestones, and I am learning to love the journey. I love building a home that is mine. I crave the curation of the perfect “capsule wardrobe”. I’ve come to appreciate my friendships for the values and feelings they impart to me. I can’t say I enjoy dating in my 20s yet, but I can say that I love being in love again. I digress, the important thing is that I can say I’ve successfully begun to establish a sense of self, because, most importantly, I have accepted that there will always be two truths to any situation.
I have created a life that I love, yet I somehow crave more. While it has taken time and patience, I am realizing that I truly love my life of growth and dedication; however, I can’t stop thinking about all the other paths I haven’t chosen and all the what-ifs. The key is to take it one step at a time, and always remember there will always be two truths to every step, decision, and action.
